Man, Writing

11 Incredibly Easy Ways to Run a Successful Blog

I do not want to write a post every day. I don’t. Repeat: I don’t. But four posts after launching last Wednesday or Thursday, I think I’ve become addicted to posting. Each post has built upon the last in an exhilarating rhythm turned anthem of the mind.

Instead of checking Facebook 5 to 80 times a day, I now check it 900 to 45,000 times a day to see if anyone liked my post. I’ve been extremely pleased with the results – averaging about two likes per post, a 100% improvement over last Tuesday, which is why I decided to write a little more today about successful blogosphering.

You already know what I’m going to write about because you saw the post’s title: how to be successful blogging. One of the tricks of the trade, however, is that I can’t just start giving you all my hard-learned lessons on success at the top of the post. I’m not giving away my list that easily. You’ve gotta blog on down ’til the price is right, reading this intro material first.

Of course, you could always skip down to read the list if pressed for time. Just earmark this page and come back later to read the setup (see expert advice on the setup in The Setup section below for more about setting up the setup).

 

Is a blog ugly?

For those of you who don’t already know, a “blog” is the words “we” and “blog” combined with the first two letters dropped off to form, “blog.” I don’t really get it. The point I really want to make here is “blog” is such an ugly word. A blog may not be ugly, but “blog” is.

 

Why does blog rhyme with so many ugly words?

We’ve established that blog is an ugly word. It’s root word, “blog,” has the word “log” in it. And we can all admit that log is not an appealing word. Similarly, within the same rhyming family we find clog which is absolutely ugly, both in the shoe and plumbing sense (see “log”). Flog should be internationally banned. Bog is so down. Hog won’t share. Nog gets to my head. Jog is tiring to think about. Zog freaks me out. I wish I had swog.

 

The Setup

What am I trying to say? I’m still not sure. But every blog post needs a good setup. This is my attempt at writing a good setup.

“Good setups don’t grow on trees.” -Josh Rolph

 

Money

The great thing about the blog is how much money you can make by successfully writing one. Since starting my blog, I’m sure I’ve made a ton of money somehow, or have at least made an investment that will pay dividends down the road.

 

Fame

There are other great reasons to start a blog: you can call yourself a blogger. Since the 2006 elections, bloggers have been gaining unprecedented access into the newsrooms at political conventions and important events. Some bloggers have gone on to receive national, global, even universal fame.

To say you are a blogger now places you among society’s elite.  I’ve used it several times to cut in line, “Excuse me, kid, I’m a blogger.” At McDonalds, “I’d like the blogger discount.” And at the movie theater, I once stood up between the cell phone lecture and the trailers and said, “As a blogger, I just want to ditto what they said about cell phone usage.”

 

Money & Fame

Here’s the bottom line: a successful blog can bring in loads of cash and fame that spans past the Dagobah System. See Empire Strikes Backdagobah-system

Now, for the list:

11 Things Über Successful Bloggers Won’t Tell You About Running a Successful Blog in Belgium

  1. Don’t write daily. I can’t emphasize this one enough. Your fan base of three (including close maternal family) will get tired. Fast.
  2. Don’t try to be over-the-top funny. It won’t work. Always remember, you’re not funny to anyone but yourself. Like I’ve always said, “like I’ve always said.”
  3. Don’t write more than 250 word posts. Any more than that and you will lose readership. You need to close. Often. Remember the KISS method made famous by someone: Keep it short, silly.
  4. Don’t make fun of Facebook. Or Mark Zuckerberg. Or anyone who is smarter, wealthier, younger, more charismatic, and much, much less handsome than you.
  5. Don’t give up after your first post. You quitter. How dare you quit. What are you, some kind of quitterman? A quitterer? There’s a word for that. It’s called quittererer.
  6. Never go back on your promise to give up after your first post. “Commitment can’t be faked, forged, fawned, flaunted, feigned or Frodo’d.” – Josh Rolph
  7. You.
  8. etc.
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4 thoughts on “11 Incredibly Easy Ways to Run a Successful Blog

  1. Pingback: How to Fall Asleep Without Meds and Live Longer | Josh Rolph

  2. Chris Anderson says:

    This one made me laugh quite a bit! I especially like the blogger swagger, or sblwagger™ you carry about you in public.

  3. Pingback: My blog is gigantic/intergalactic | Josh Rolph

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