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How to Fall Asleep Without Meds and Live Longer

The last time I had a hard time falling asleep at night was while I was in high school, until the Night That Changed Everything. On the Night Before the Night That Changed Everything, I struggled falling asleep. Pretty much every night as a teenager I had the hardest time transitioning to the sleep state.

Even though it was a long time ago, I remember the nighttime ritual as if it was right now: quiet, desperate for sleep, then…still awake.

I was thinking about all of this on the Afternoon Snack Time of the Night That Changed Everything. “How will I possibly survive on little to no sleep?

I am here to report that way back then when I was a li’l whippersnapper I invented a method to fall asleep that requires zero medication, no expensive tricks, and zero trips to the therapist. This method uses the only available resource you are left with when resting in bed at night: your brain.

Some sleep gimmicks, like the Counting Sheep Method (CSM), actually kick up brain CPU power by as much as 35%, which raises blood pressure and corresponding cholesterol levels.

Other sleep suggestions (like this horrible list –(see my earlier post about lists (notice how 11 is still the new 10))) ask for more thinking, more concentration, more focus on relaxing.

“This is the absolute worst advice you could possibly receive for restful sleep.”

                                          –Josh Rolph

My medical breakthrough is simply this:

 

Imagine a Blank Piece of Paper

That’s it.

Just close your eyes and imagine a blank, 8 1/2″ x 11″ letter-sized sheet of white paper. You will then fall asleep. 150% money back guarantee (I will pay you 50% more than what you paid for this advice if it doesn’t work for you – see below).

***

After years of experimentation with the paper method, I feel a need to offer up some pointers.

First, DO NOT – REPEAT – DO NOT imagine this piece of paper:

An actual sheet of paper I tried to use as a sleep assistant on October 3, 1992.

An actual sheet of paper I tried to use as a sleep assistant on October 3, 1992.

Instead, your sleep paper must look exactly like this:

blank-sheet-of-paper

Your Sleep Assistant. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

 

I had my three year old diagram how this should look:

thinking-of-paper

I actually drew this

 

 

I will tell you the impact the paper-to-sleep method has had on my life, in bulleted-form, no less –

  • When I want to sleep, I sleep.
  • I am more successful.
  • Who knows, I’ve counseled a few people in the last 20 years with this approach. Word may have spread to Mike Figliuolo who wrote this book about piece of paper leadership.
  • My dreams have been incredible. Not good – incredible. Incredible, as in sometimes terrifyingly incredible. You may have similar results: both amazing and horrible dreams that will leave you thinking: my brain came up with that? Man, I’m messed up!

When this will not work:

  • After you die.

From the goodness of my heart, I’ve shared all I know on the subject, even making things up from time to time, like most professionals. You should therefore feel obligated to pay for this consultation.

Sleep Advice Sizes



Thank you in advance for your purchase.

 

*I’m eating fresh dates right now. They are soo good. Sweet dreams.

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8 thoughts on “How to Fall Asleep Without Meds and Live Longer

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  3. Shelby says:

    I always imagine I’m looking for two polar bears fighting in a snow storm – I get so focused on trying to find them that I always fall asleep before I do. You’re welcome.

    • Shelby — I see a lot of common ground between the white sheet of paper and the white snowstorm you trudge through to reach the polar bears. Your method is more advanced than mine, and I would expect nothing less from you.

Your thoughts?