Man, Thank yous

Thank yous – “The Ending” – Part 3 of many

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Part 3 – “The Ending”

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YEAH, YOU.

THAT’S WHAT I JUST SAID.

Do I need to repeat myself?

Oh wait.

Come back.

I’m sorry!

 

I wasn’t talking to YOU!

I was PRACTICING TYPING IN ALL CAPS!

 

THIS POST USES ALL CAPS MORE THAN ANY OF MY 80 POSTS

COMBINED

 So don’t go before reading

Part 3 of the THRILLING

Thank You Note Series

***

Catch up on previous thank you notes in this series:

Thank yous – Part 1 of many

and then

Thank yous – “The Fight” – Part 2 of many

 

FINISHED CATCHING UP?

Okay.

You are ready to proceed.

 

 

 

 

THANK YOU

***

 

June 13, 2007

Dear Josh,

Will you please stop writing me thank you notes? You keep writing and writing when there is clearly an UNWRITTEN thank you note protocol. Do you understand me? UNWRITTEN. Stop writing me. NOW.

Coldly,

Anne

 

***

 

June 17, 2007

Dear Anne:

Thank you for telling me to stop writing thank you notes.

Sincerely,

Josh

 

***

 

June 20, 2007

Josh –

My firm request for you to cease and desist went unheeded. I take back what I said in my last note about the UNWRITTEN protocol. The rule is written. It’s PRINTED INTO HUMAN DNA how and when to write and respond to thank yous. You obviously are NOT human. If you were human you would not have written a THANK YOU NOTE when I demanded you NO LONGER WRITE ME A THANK YOU NOTE. Enough of this madness you sick, twisted thank you note MONSTER!

No regards,

Anne

 

***

 

June 30, 2007

Dear Anne,

You must have been having a bad day when you sent me your last thank you note. I laughed when you suggested I wasn’t human. I just looked it up. I am very much human.

Your note made me laugh and cry at the same time. I cried because you were having such a bad day; I laughed because a monster can’t possibly cry and laugh at the same time.

So thanks for reminding me of my humanity…by depriving me of my humanity. ;)

Appreciatively,

Josh

 

***

 

July 1, 2007

Dear Josh,

There isn’t enough room in the limited space available in thank you notes unless you write really small like I am right now to say as much as I want to say to teach you what your allegedly “human” DNA hasn’t taught you. Since the beginning, my DNA told me to show you common courtesy of continually responding to your thank you notes. Your freakish DNA told you otherwise. You are more than merely dysfunctional – You have a DNA defect. You should check yourself into an institution because you are NOT well.

Worst,

Anne

 

***

 

July 9, 2007

Dear Anne,

Thank you for thinking of me. Looks like the bad day continues but I really hope you’re better by now.

Gratefully yours,

Josh

 

***

 

July 14, 2007

Dear Josh,

This is my last note. My last thank you note. Goodbye. Write me again and I’m calling the cops. Thank you for the privilege and potential opportunity to use the modern legal system against you.

Worst wishes for all eternity,

Anne

 

***

 

July 16, 2007

Dear Anne:

Thank you.

Josh

 

***

raid-police

 

 

On July 20, 2007, Josh heard a loud knock on his front door. Answering, he was served a restraining order by an armed, uniformed policeman. Officer Wentzel stated that Josh should no longer communicate in any way with Anne ********.

“If you have any questions about this notice, my information is on this card.”

Josh returned to his kitchen table, pulled a small, blank sheet from a large stationary box, and began to write.

 

***

 

 

 

 

July 23, 2007

Dear Officer Wentzel:

It is with great pleasure that I write to thank you for the way in which you presented the restraining order…

[FADE OUT]

 

***

 

 

To this day, the officer has yet to respond to Josh’s thank you.

 

 

***

 

Thank you for everything,

even if you don’t subscribe to this blog,

which you can do here.

So thank you in advance for subscribing.

 

Stay tuned for…

“A New Hope”

in

Thank yous – Part 4 of many

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4 thoughts on “Thank yous – “The Ending” – Part 3 of many

  1. Pingback: Thank yous – “The Fight” – Part 2 of many | Josh Rolph

  2. Dan Rolph says:

    Thank-YOU, as always for your never-ending generosity, kindness, hospitality, cheerfulness…thank you…Thank you… THANK you… THANK YOU!!!
    What a son!
    Dad
    P.S. I EXPECT a ‘thank-you’ in reply to the above, via either by phone, e-mail, card, fax, drone, text message, twitter, face-book, passenger pigeon, pony express (well, maybe not the latter since their out-of-business, but perhaps Wells Fargo or a message from ‘Western Union).
    By the way, while I’m thinking about it, I want to ‘thank you,’ ahead of time, for thanking me for thanking you….
    Dad

  3. Natalie says:

    Dear Josh,

    Thank you for addressing a relevant social issue. We have had many conversations in our home about thank you note etiquette. Including the age old question of when to stop the madness. Some say I have a tendency to be overly grateful.

    Given your uncanny ability to clear up social questions would you reconsider your Dear Josh for president cAmpaign?

    Natalie
    President of the “Dear Josh” fan club, Rocklin Calfornia Chapter

  4. Brooke Magelsen says:

    I didn’t know that anna could write so well. she’s smart for a 6 year old.

    (i kinda assumed that you got the name anne from anna)

    Thank you,
    Brooke.

Your thoughts?